Cycles of Transition
Newsletter
Rich Hedlund, MPA, MA and Pam McGill, PMHNP
Welcome:
Welcome to the Cycles of Transition (COT) Newsletter!
Begin the Quest:
In the last two editions we discussed the first two stages of the 5-stage transition process for making successful transitions at midlife. The first stage involves getting clear about your real self, and what you truly want for the second half of your life. The second stage involves exploring options and setting goals for the things you want to change or achieve. The 5 stages are: Shed the Mask, Mark your Path, Begin the Quest, Be in the Now, and Light the Path for Others.
"Begin the Quest"--Begin the Quest is the third stage in the transition process, and asks for a firm commitment. Without a strong commitment to what you wish to achieve, whether it be a renewed purpose, a long-held dream, deeper relationships, or lofty aspirations, successful transition may be blocked, or given up on. Ask yourself, how committed to this change am I? How do I see myself in the second half of life? When I reach my goals, how will I feel, what would I be doing? Commitment can be a formidable obstacle to overcome, some people never get out of the talking and goal-setting phase. It can seem insurmountable, and we may make excuses to avoid taking that first step such as; I'm too old, I don't have enough money, I don't have enough time, what will others think, am I smart enough, or do I have what it takes? As our quote on the home page by Mark Twain says; Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do, than by the ones you did do..." If you have trouble making the commitment, talk to supportive, enthusiastic people in your life, then take the courage to Begin the Quest.
Rich Speaks With Men:
Commitment to change oneself at midlife begins by asking yourself the following questions: Are you willing to be what you haven’t been before? Are you willing to improve upon who you have become? By answering these questions in the affirmative you have taken the first step to changing your life in order to have a more fulfilling future. For many men that I have talked with, change is a formable task; they resist change so they see no reason to be committed to being any different than they already are. Other men, when they reach the threshold of midlife, begin to review their lives and start the process of understanding what forces contributed to making them the person they have become. From this understanding they can then move to the next question: What must I do to be the best I can be in the second half of my life? How different these two approaches to life are; one man stops growing and contributing, while the other man seeks change, desires change, and thrives on change. What is it that you want from life? It is your choice, mediocrity, or the excitement of learning new things, expanding your personal horizons, and experiencing challenges that you never thought were possible. If the latter response represents who you are then set a course for the future and “Begin the Quest.”
Pam Connects With Women:
It is midsummer, and ironically also, the midsummer of our lives. In looking back at my own life, and now seeing the second half arriving, I am examining what has provided meaning and purpose for me. I just read the book, In a Different Voice, by Carol Gilligan. She makes so clear why women's definition of meaning and purpose is different than men's. She proposes that women find their primary meaning and purpose through relationships and connectedness to others. This is not to say that women don't have careers, run businesses, or accomplish all kinds of things. But that most of the time, they do these things within the context of relationship and connection. Here's your midlife challenge: do some thinking, talking, writing, or meditating on what brings meaning and purpose to your life, then set priorities and goals that bring you closer to them.
Quote for the Summer:
"Just as the wave cannot exist for itself, but must always participate in the swell of the ocean, so we can never experience life by ourselves, but must always share the experience of life that takes place all around us." Albert Schweitzer
